Reference Video + Small Strides

Today I shot reference video so that I can start really animating. I've dabbled a bit trying out 3D animation in the past, but I feel like this is really my first time trying it out. It's honestly really exciting to me.

I downloaded some rigs a few days ago and found some videos online from movies/musicals that I like that I would try to take reference from. I feel like in this case though, unless you have something in mind already, it's probably better making your own reference.

Shooting reference is almost harder than animation to me. Ok, well that's a bit of a stretch saying that. But what I mean is that it's honestly so hard to have to watch myself. I cringe the whole time. I know this is something that will only get easier the more that I do it, but it's like whenever I listen to a recording of my voice. I'm just thinking, ughhh, the whole time. Thankfully though, what people actually see will be a much easier-to-look-at cartoon character.

And something that everyone seems to say when they're watching their reference, "do I really look that fat?" (another thing I encountered when playing back the video).

Maybe shooting reference today wasn't much but it's necessary. The little thing are important. Yesterday, I was kind of in a slump. It was one of those days where I was a bit too sad to get out of bed. I ended up needing to break things up into smaller steps; giving myself a pat on the back just for taking a shower. But it helped. I feel the pressure every day of trying to be sure to work on things this summer and stay motivated. But when I start to beat myself up over not working that's when I get worse and more resistant. By the end of yesterday, I managed to sit down with the modeling tutorial and work on the a bit. Sometimes if I can even manage to simply watch the tutorial and take notes, I feel like I've taken a step closer.

It's definitely difficult. Animation is hard on it's own. Learning it is harder. And trying to learn it on your own while disciplining yourself is the hardest. Because often times the negative thoughts come back to haunt you. You start to wonder why you're pursuing such a hard and competitive career. You think about the naysayers that tell you that you won't get a job or that you're wasting your time. But you have to fight your way out of that. Because if this is really what you want to be doing, then you've got to work for it and you will get there. It just takes so much patience and so much strength.

I feel like this really goes for any career path.

Animation is what I want. It's what I need because I do not want to be doing anything else with my life, if I'm going to be completely honest. I don't want to settle. I am going to get myself there no matter what it takes. And I'm going to fight through the hard times. Even when I fall off the horse, I'm going to get back on. Believe me, I know I'm going to fall off A LOT. There will be days like yesterday where I can barely bring myself to sit at my computer or even think about animation. But it doesn't matter how many times you fall off or how long you stay down, what matters is that you keep getting back on.

Now, maybe it sounds confusing when I describe this falling down because maybe it sounds like I'm not that passionate about animation if I'm able to fall like that. But the thing is no matter what you're doing, you're going to fall. Especially when you're learning something new and especially at this time in your life when you feel the pressure. This isn't just playing around with this stuff like in high school. The real world is right around the corner and you need to be ready for it. So that added pressure sometimes becomes too much. Also, just the pure fact that you're learning from the ground up and that you keep failing and making bad work over and over again can be discouraging. Nonetheless you're making progress, whether you feel like you are or not.

Bottom line, all of these negative feelings do not deny your love for the craft. If this isn't your passion, you'll know it and you'll find something else. But for people in my case, I know that I want to be an animator no matter what. And that's what's keeping me going. Because I know that this is what I'm mean to do. This is what makes me happy. At the end of the day, this work is what I get the most satisfaction out of.