Rambles #4- Being Creative Sucks (sometimes)

This is going to sound strange, but I actually really hate being creative... OK well I don't hate it. But what what I mean is that it's kinda stressful. I know this whole statement sounds odd especially coming from an artist whose job is to create things, but I'll explain.

Perhaps when I say "being creative", I mean moreso, the idea of improvisation. Being creative on the spot and being able to think on your feet and be clever quickly. For me creativity takes time.

For some people, improv comes naturally. Pulling a crazy, fun, and creative idea out of thin air takes little-to-no time at all. And let's face it, often times improv leads to some of the greatest successes. Improvised comedy is funnier. And heck, some of the greatest, most iconic film moments in history were completely improvised by the actor. "Heeerrre's Johnny!"

But improv isn't for everyone. Even amongst creative people, there are those who are good at it and those who aren't. Though it would be really cool if being a creative person meant automatically being able to improvise.

I've always known I'm bad at improv. Back in high school, during the years that I thought I was a theater kid, I took a performing arts class. We played a lot of improv games. I loved watching everyone else, but when my turn came I'd just stutter and not know what to do. I even found myself trying to come up with ideas or things to say before I'd go up, which, I know totally defeats the purpose, but I couldn't help it. I just automatically started trying to plan it.

Although I'm not trying to be a theater dweeb anymore, I've still run into instances where being good at improvisation could be really useful.

The most recent example would be in my drawing class. As an exercise, We draw 4 panels and draw a pose in each panel that is supposed to be like a sequence of events- i.e. storyboarding => animation. And then we would create a scene once all the poses were drawn and we'd put the figure in clothes and create a little story. I had a tough time with this. I don't know if it was the struggle to think fast or the struggle to think of something I was satisfied with. I've noticed over my 3 years of college that I tend to change my ideas a lot when it comes to story-telling. I have to really, REALLY be in love with my story idea and characters in order to commit to it. If I'm not in love with the idea, I won't be able to carry it out to completion- or at least be able to enjoy the process and really "feel" it. I've finished plenty of projects I wasn't in love with before, but I didn't have a good time. (eh-hem the modeling project I'm working on right now...)

Unforunately, that's life. And especially in this industry, I'll have to work on projects I don't absolutely love. But in a sense, I'm actually OK with that. I kind of want less creative freedom. It's like, I want to be able to have creative freedom, and, in a perfect world, I'd create my own feature film (like write it develop the characters and stuff) but as an everyday job, going into the studio every day, I don't want to be given the task to constantly come up with new ideas. I think I'd actually prefer to have someone tell me what they want and let me just make it. I don't have to think if it's a good plot or not. I just make it move. (hope I don't sound contradictory).

Perhaps this idea seems kind of backwards to what artists want and just people in general. (no one likes being told what to do). But really, needing to come up with new and good ideas constantly, is just too stressful to me. And I know that it doesn't always have to be perfect. Writers often produce episodes of shows that just don't hit and they move on. But for me, I feel like I'd just get frustrated with trying so hard to make certain that the concept is a good and strong one. Granted, if I were a writer, I'd be on a team making it much easier as everyone can bounce ideas off of each other, but still. When I get a good idea and I feel confident and in love with it, then, yes, I am beyond determined to complete it and feel totally comfortable in the director's chair. Because it's a sense of certainty. But I have to be all in, or it just doesn't work for me. And these kinds of ideas come along- well not, frequently enough. Or not when I need them to.

Now this is pretty much the reason why I feel like I'd prefer to work on feature films rather than TV. In actuality though, this probably wouldn't actually be a problem because I just wouldn't be a writer. I'd animate. I want to animate!

And that's honestly why this is the job that I think is perfect for me. I feel like it's a common misconception to people outside-the animation world as well as animation students, is that being an "animator for Disney" means you work on the whole thing. You write and direct and make the characters and draw and animate... no.

If you're an "animator for Disney" (or anywhere) it means, you're an animator. You animate. That's it. That's your job. Nothing else. Now I realize this is kind of a broad statement because there are many different niches within that role like animation directors, effects artists, crowd animators, etc, but my point is that you're an animator period. You don't really have a say in the story, that's the writers' job. You don't really have a say in the character design, that's concept artists' job. Really, by the time it gets to the animators, you're given an already modeled, already rigged, and already characterized character. You're bringing it to life. And this is why, animators kind of get most forgotten. They become the machines; the nameless souls. They're the worker bees. They, together, produce what you see in the end, but to the audience, it's just magic.

And that's what I want to do!!! As I've said over and over, I want to see my name down towards the bottom of the credits in the midst of many other names. That part of the credits that rolls after everyone in the theater has already left.

So yea, I'm sure I'll have more things come up where a little improvisation is needed, but if anything it will help me to get better at it. I found that once I got into the rhythm of the drawing, it started to get a little easier putting something down on the page.