1 Step Backward, 10 Steps Forward
Yesterday I officially went into the advising office and changed my major from Motion Media Design to Animation.
I've been saying for months that the idea of going back to character animation just felt right. I've been saying that I wanted to be an animator for Pixar ever since I was 5 years old. I called it my "dream job" meaning that in a perfect world, that's what I would want to pursue, but even back then I was convinced that it was unlikely just because... well, I'm not sure why. It was like only "old people" and famous people that lived near those studios could actually become animators. People that lived in small towns in the North East US couldn't actually get there unless they were rich or knew famous people. I mean, that sounds like a complex thought system for a 5-year-old, but I think these are just ideas that came to me over the years. I also said I wanted to be a film director and a voice actor. (this was from my years setting up my mom's video camera on a tri-pod and building "film sets" using my toys and "making movies"). But most of my life, I said that I would become an author or illustrate children's books. I never thought that the "impossible dream job" could actually happen. And now I'm on the path to the possibility of achieving it. I'm in the right place and I couldn't be happier.
Deciding to attend this school meant I'd be taking one big step backward. I came in with few transferred credits that resulted in me having a Freshman class standing even though this was my 3rd year of college. But in a way, I'm grateful for that. Because then I would be going in getting the proper foundations for what I wanted to pursue. It would be more money- and finances was definitely a huge worry- but I believed and still do believe that I can make it all worth it. There is a plethora of connections and opportunities. Not to mention that the education is amazing. So perhaps this really is starting over. It feels weird as my friends from high school and at my old college will all be graduating before me. I had to swallow my pride and accept the fact that I would be a beginner again and be in a position where I don't know as much as I think that I do. It hurts my pride a little seeing friends of mine getting internships now and knowing that I will have to wait another year or two. But I can't complain because I'm the one that put myself in this position. Back in August, I was offered an internship at a local studio, but I turned it down because I would be coming to this school. It felt crazy to be doing that, but I know it was the right thing to do. As I'm learning at this school, you shouldn't take an internship unless it is paid. And at that studio in particular, it was unpaid and all I'd be doing would be getting coffee. Friends of mine that had interned at the same studio in the past had told me that they didn't learn much at all from it. But the places that pay their interns, you know for certain that they'll teach you something and give you something meaningful to do. And these kinds of places include studios like Cartoon Network, Nickelodeon, Pixar, and Dreamworks. So I took a step backwards, but I am certain that it is going to propel me 10 steps forward in the right direction.
Changing my major was a tough decision. I hate the uncertainty that is the college years. It was especially hard knowing that the motion graphics industry, without a doubt, is much easier to find a job in. It's more generalized and the projects are typically shorter term. Everyone involved in Motion Media told me how it was so much better and that a lot of Animation majors end up switching to Motion Media because they find it's a shorter process and much less stressful. Animation is extremely specialized and if I wasn't certain that I wanted to be stuck doing the same thing all the time, then maybe it was best to stay in Motion. Also, the style changes all the time from 2D to 3D to VFX or a combination. So why wouldn't anyone NOT want to pursue motion?
With all these factors, the decision was definitely tougher. Because I felt like Motion was the practical choice. It also didn't help that After Effects and making motion graphics was the only form of animation that I felt like I knew the best at this point. But that was without having tried 3D character animation before.
I had always said, even when I was younger, that I wanted to be in the entertainment industry. I didn't want to do commercial art like my mother. I didn't want to do advertising because I want to make an audience feel something. I loved creative writing so I wanted to tell a story. You do still, in a sense, tell stories with motion. But the way I describe the difference versus Animation is that Motion delivers a message, but Animation tells a story. And I know that Animation also "delivers a message", but that's the best way I can think of to simplify the idea without thinking too much about it.
When I went to the Pixar presentation back in February, where representatives from the studio talked about what their internships were like, I felt myself actually tearing up a little as I imagined myself interning there. I tried really hard to picture myself there and that thought just made me embarrassingly emotional. I liked the idea so much as that's what I've wanted to do since I was young. And to think that it could even be a possibility if I worked my butt off and stay motivated, just astounded me. This is what really pushed me towards the decision to switch. I know that the chances are small as thousands of young animators are trying to get the same position. And that in order to get there, you have to be really good. Like, REALLY. GOOD. (I can't help but feel that that's a huge understatement). It's intimidating as I look at the work of some of my peers and the work of students at Ringling, CalArts, and Sheridan, and even people who are enrolled in Animation Mentor or Gnomon. But provides a good visual goal. Knowing that your work needs to look as good as or better than that in order to stay afloat is terrifying.
Challenge accepted.
Deciding to take 3 studios this quarter was crazy, but has actually made me feel a lot better. For one thing, I don't feel like I'm wasting my time writing papers. Also, it's really helped me feel more certain in what I want to pursue. Even though I thought that taking the drawing class would deter me from Animation, it actually encouraged me to want to do it more. Even though I'm taking my Motion class now and it's exactly what I thought it would be, I find that I don't want to be doing it for the rest of my life. I think Motion Graphics is certainly my backup plan and I'm glad that I can do it, by I ultimately want to be an animator. Even in just the drawing and posing stage, I can see myself doing this with my life. I have felt so enthusiastic these past 2 weeks for making animation. I feel more confident in the idea than ever. I want to physically put myself into a human-sized flour sack and film myself walking around in it for reference footage. (I realize how odd that sentence sounds).
I know I'm where I'm supposed to be. I feel so grateful to be where I am despite all the challenges along the way. I'm blown away every time I go to the screening of a live-action or animated film. The amount of enthusiasm that fills the entire auditorium of students astounds me. It's truly magical being surrounded by so many like-minded people with the same tremendous excitement and appreciation for the same things as me. I've never felt more at home. I've found my place. I've found people who understand me in more ways than one. I've found people who "get it".
And that is what makes it all worth it.
